Next din dushera tha maine usko ph kia, ek cute si hello bola usne, maine kaha kal aapne no diya thaa na, usne kaha kya kaam hai mujhse? Maine kaha bas aap mujhe acchi lagi aur main aapse baat karna chahta thaa isiliye aapka no liya, fir hum normal baatein karne lage… Fir usko koi kaam aa gaya usne ph rakh diya,, fir maine 3-4 din tak usko ph nahi kia, agle din uska miss call aaya, maine reply call kia usne ph uthaya aur kehne lagi ‘ kya hua’? 3-4 dino se ph nahi kia, maine kaha thorah busy thaa fir maine pucha kya rahi ho avi to usne bataya ki ghar pe koi nahi hai so bore ho rahi thi to tumhe ph kia, maine pucha kaha gaye sab?To usne bataya ki uske sasur ki tabiyat thik nahi hai isiliye unko hospital le gaye hai saas v sath gayi hai, maine fir usko kaha mujhe aapse milne ko man kar raha hai, to usne kaha kaise aur kaha milenge? Maine kaha aapke ghar pe to usne kaha nahi mere pados me bahot se log rehte hai maine kaha koi baat nahi main salesman ban ke aa jaunga kuch product le kar to. And hercatwalk in the evening dress was fantastic, and she made all of us laughwhen she told us the story about the baking.The tiara went to the cheerleading captain of course. Bitch.She was very calm about it and smiled for photos and everything with herrunner's up sash. But I called her that night and we just lay there, hersobbing for an hour, me just on the phone with her, long after herparents had gone to sleep and nobody could hear her.But you know this isn't really about her either.Atnas, wherever you are, I guess I've given up hope believing in you.It's been ages and I'm probably too old to believe, but, well, I felt itreally, really strongly. Once in a while I'll look at a girl and wish Iwas her, and when I looked at Maddie throughout the pageant I justreally, really wanted to be her and win the pageant.I realise I always write to you when I want to be Maddie.Anyway, I'm going to get up early and take her to breakfast, so I've gotto get to bed. Just, well, you know, I just.
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